I hate drama!

Meow! You know who are annoying? Drama girls. No I don't mean theater geeks, but normal high school girls whose lives would be incomplete without the daily diss, hiss or bitchslap. And you know who I'm talking about. In case you can't identify these drama-addicted girls, there's really one big hint that they always leave us. Drama girls always say "I hate drama." Seriously, open up any myspace.com, livejournal or AIM profile and the most drama-filled chicklets will always have an "About me" section that looks something like this:

About me: Hey, its Karly! i'm a sophmore at Bayside High and cheer for the squad. i luv you gurlies! hehe anywayz, if you dunno me then add me to your buddy list, my screenname's XxbutterflyzX and love talkin to new ppl. 1 thing you should know, I HATE drama, I don't deal with it and all you bitches that are hatin on me like Cassie and jessica d. are just jealous cause I'm dating Rich now. Buhbye!

I really think I did too good of a job writing "about me." God knows what Freud would say. Anways, you all know what I'm talking about. These girls claim they don't like drama yet are the center and defintion of it. There are some drama seekers that fly under the radar though. If they are sans an "about me" section, a "Juicy" ass and Ugg boots should help give them away. So, yes all you girls out there if you claim that you "don't like drama" you are trying to hard to convince us that you're not the average, annoying, spoiled little catfighter that you truly are. I hope this doesn't cause drama between us because I really hate drama.

I want YOU to stop annoying me.

Warning: These ruminations are not to be read with a closed mind. Do not think I'm annoyed by everything in the world because that would annoy me. This is just a comical way to vent about common occurences that are truly fastidious. I'm not granting myself annoyance sanctuary here, we all find ourselves victim of the occassional boring away message or beer-can-in-hand picture. But that doesn't make it right. So without further adieu...

I submit my ruminations for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call them "You Fuckin' Annoy Me."

-K is for Kewl Kids with Kheap Beer. Anyone ever wonder why people think its cool to take pictures of themselves while kissing a bottle of alcohol? Yes, we know you drink and are krazy kewl. Point taken. It's as if people won't take pictures anymore unless they're holding a beer can, a red SOLO cup or a bottle of vodka. Uncool in my book. Try posting a picture of yourself shooting heroin and maybe you’ll impress a couple of us.

-xXlikeursnsucks4evaXx. How much do you hate it when someone's away message is "new screenname: xXbabygrrrlxX" It's like, dudette, you're really going to make me go through the work of clicking my mouse 4 times just to add a screenname which looks just like your old one? Honestly, I'd rather spend 30 seconds bitching about it right here than 5 seconds adding your new stupid screename.

-Webdings hides the true atrocity. What’s the deal with people searching through the webdings font, only to find a cool symbol, put it in their profile and attach a phrase like "Put this in your profile if you like to bust out into a spontaneous dance party" or "Put this in your profile if you know someone who should get hit by a bus." First of all, getting hit by a bus is no joke and just because there is a symbol of one on webdings doesn’t mean you have to know someone who needs to get hit by it. Jerk. (But for the record however, I do like slapping big booties.)

-Can you even tell the difference, amigo? So I live and go to school in Spain and as I’m sitting at my desk I hear the neighbors yelling in Spanish. I think to myself "Oh, I didn’t know the neighbors were Mexican." Did I seriously forget I was in Spain? That was so idiotically dumb that I annoyed myself. Now I do know someone who should get hit by a bus.

-Yes, is this Jesse Spano? Um, your away message is boring as hell, just like your character. There’s nothing more depressing than signing online to see that every single person is on away message. Oh wait, yes there is. It’s signing on only to see that everyone’s away messages are the most boring and unoriginal trinkets of literature every written. "At class. Brb. Cell’s good." You’re cell’s good? I’m glad to hear it’s doing so well since the last time I saw it you still hadn’t upgraded it from the Zack Morris model. Piece of advice fellow AIM users: put up a witty away message or sign your boring self off.

-Right before the undertoe took my trunks. Oops. I’m a language freak and throughout my years as a nerdy freak I have studied Spanish, French, Polish, Basque and Ebonics. I’m pretty sure I’ve annoyed people with my freakish choice of studies, I mean, yeah, Spanish comes in handy and maybe even Ebonics, but Polish? I suppose I began to doubt the utility of such a language until one fateful night in December. I was drunk. The stripper was blonde. Poles are blonde. I ask her, hey are you Polish? And by fucking God she was. You know what this means right? Free lapdance. That was fun. Until I fell in love and told her that I could help her escape from this wretched lifestyle. So to all you haters out there, my language skills don’t just come in handy while gallivanting around Europe but also right down the street at Stage Door Johnny’s strip club where being a nerd really gets off, I mean pays off.

-Thank God our parents paid that night. Restaurant bills and large groups of people. Let’s all just say it in unison now, "I only have a 20." Fucking great. Figures. And half of the people have the nerve to say that as if it’s someone else’s problem. It’s almost as if they’re saying "Well I only have a 20, so let me put it back in my wallet and you guys can pay for me." Oh no you didn’t, girlfriend. Seriously though, my girlfriend, don’t put your money away because in this relationship we go halfsies...you pigeon. Point is, going out to eat with friends can be such a great, relaxing, delicious time until the bill comes. The only solution is to bring your one mathematically-inclined nerd friend, Ryan, to dinner and shove him the bill and all your 20s saying, "You like math, you get the change and figure it out." I mean moments like these were made for math majors, while strippers were made for us language majors.

Guilty conscience...

-Leaving a store and having to pass by a security guard. Man, the pressure to put on a face that doesn't look incriminating. And the thing is, I didn't even steal anything. But I still feel like I did. Avoid eye contact, relax and head through the door and pray he (or she...yeah right!) doesn't ask to search your bag. It's the same thing in an airport. Even though there's not one incriminating sharp object in my bag I still feel all nervous. "Is he gonna ask me to get undressed?" Nerve-racking? Yes. Erotic? Even more. Oh and it was just great when I was in the Madrid airport and the guy finds my huge Basque flag in my bag. I might as well painted TERRORISTA on my forehead. All of this mess, is annoying.

-Oh wow that's a bad picture of me. People that put up pictures of themselves online and title the picture "such a bad picture of me." Seriously, moron, then why are you putting it up? I hope to god you don't expect people to comment and be like "oh no, Renee, it's a really good picture of you, seriously." Number one, you were right in the first place, it seriously is a bad picture of you. And number two, the fact that you admit it and still post it is really mindboggling. You and your self proclamied hideous picture annoy me.