I would ship you all to the North Pole if I could.

Lack of individuality? Obsession with fitting in? Reticence to actually looking different? Phobia of wearing something with style? Those are the only possible answers I have come up with in regards to the stupidest trend to hit US college students since the Nalgene (those things aren't even confortable to drink out of). I'm talking about those ugly felt North Face jackets. OK, I admit, they're not that ugly. However, when EVERYONE has one, it kindof becomes ridiculous. You might be thinking, yeah but, Ed, you go to school in Spain so you don't see any Americans. Wrong. Lucky for my campus, we get a new shipment every semester of those lame fucks that we euphemistically call "Visiting Students." They spend every night at the Irish pubs with fellowAmericans, all clad in their North Face jackets, jeans and hideous sneakers. Then they have the audacity to claim that Madrid isn't very European. Well maybe if you came abroad to actually meet people other than Americans you would realize that you are indeed in Europe. How about trying a sandwich other than turkey, cheese and lettuce. I actually heard a girl say the other day that she's afraid to try an "empanada". It's basically like a fucking hot pocket, you slut. Anyways, back to what I was getting at. Americans, you have no style. Leave the Ugg boots at home with your North Face, stop dressing yourselves based on fellow college students' attire, because they are poor, just like you, and have awful taste. Can't afford real style. Also, when you wake up in the morning, do us all a favor and shower, comb your hair and try to pretend that you actually care what you look like when you go to class. That's one upside of living in Europe. People actually go to class looking nice, they care. They look good. They feel good. They aren't afraid to try an empanada. You all look the same. You're boring, mono-lingual. And let me just beg one more thing, it's really not cool to claim how DrUnK you're going to get tonight. Get over it. You live in Spain where the drinking age basically doesn't exist. Drinking doesn't make you cool and your North Face makes you look like a fool.

I should have studied!

Imagine this. I'm sure you've all experienced this...you have a test. Everyone's nervous. "I didn't study at all." "I'm going to fail." "Oh god, I'm going to do so bad." I am frequently someone who says such things. I know, I know. I seem like this studious, perfect student. Wrong. I just know how to work the system to end up with B+'s no matter what my test grades have been. I honestly think that studpid kids deserve to get in trouble and fail because its really not that hard to get good grades...just suck up. But that's besides the point. What really pisses me off is when we get the tests back, grades and all. I could care less that I got a C-. I expected that, and plus, I'll just study for the next one to level out the grades. What does piss me off however is that everyone who said they didn't study, end up with B+'s and A's. Fuckers. When I say that I didn't study, I really mean it. I didn't study at all. I don't know how some people define studying, but they sure as hell did something to get that grade. Look, I'm not jealous of your grade or anything of the sort, but don't get me excited, thinking that were all going to fail, when in reality you're going to do a lot better. You really piss me off.

IM SOOOOOOOOO DRKUNK

Hold up. I'm annoyed again. By what you ask? Drunken facebook messages. Here's the scenerio as I imagine it. You totally had a raging drunken time at a typical college party and go home around 2 without anything better to do than leave incoherent drunken messages on at least 7 of your friends facebooks. Shall I say lame? Look, we all know you get drunk and honestly I've left tons of drunk messages on friends facebooks, but they go unperceived to the sober eye. That's because I don't purposely disallign my fingers on the keyboard and attempt to misspell every other word. Honestly, it's not the message in and of itself that bothers me. Drunk facebook messages can be indearing especially when they say something like "i miss yuo man so muhc rigth now!" However, let's put a stop to the "Im so trashdhed thati wawsnt youto say that i am druijnk likes forever."...Question. Did you happen to think that I care? You didn't even tell me anything new, or compliment mylooks or hate on them or anything. Look, we all get drunk so the whole cool factor is kindof even playing field now (ha, just kidding me and my friends are totally cooler than you). It's things like Christine Rimar's 1st place in a wet t-shirt contest that make people cooler. I also ask myself the question, why don't you just talk on AIM, go to sleep or jerk off? But no, there's drunken facebook messages to leave. Whatever. I'll probably be the first one to leave a ton this weekend. Play it safe.

I hate drama!

Meow! You know who are annoying? Drama girls. No I don't mean theater geeks, but normal high school girls whose lives would be incomplete without the daily diss, hiss or bitchslap. And you know who I'm talking about. In case you can't identify these drama-addicted girls, there's really one big hint that they always leave us. Drama girls always say "I hate drama." Seriously, open up any myspace.com, livejournal or AIM profile and the most drama-filled chicklets will always have an "About me" section that looks something like this:

About me: Hey, its Karly! i'm a sophmore at Bayside High and cheer for the squad. i luv you gurlies! hehe anywayz, if you dunno me then add me to your buddy list, my screenname's XxbutterflyzX and love talkin to new ppl. 1 thing you should know, I HATE drama, I don't deal with it and all you bitches that are hatin on me like Cassie and jessica d. are just jealous cause I'm dating Rich now. Buhbye!

I really think I did too good of a job writing "about me." God knows what Freud would say. Anways, you all know what I'm talking about. These girls claim they don't like drama yet are the center and defintion of it. There are some drama seekers that fly under the radar though. If they are sans an "about me" section, a "Juicy" ass and Ugg boots should help give them away. So, yes all you girls out there if you claim that you "don't like drama" you are trying to hard to convince us that you're not the average, annoying, spoiled little catfighter that you truly are. I hope this doesn't cause drama between us because I really hate drama.

I want YOU to stop annoying me.

Warning: These ruminations are not to be read with a closed mind. Do not think I'm annoyed by everything in the world because that would annoy me. This is just a comical way to vent about common occurences that are truly fastidious. I'm not granting myself annoyance sanctuary here, we all find ourselves victim of the occassional boring away message or beer-can-in-hand picture. But that doesn't make it right. So without further adieu...

I submit my ruminations for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call them "You Fuckin' Annoy Me."

-K is for Kewl Kids with Kheap Beer. Anyone ever wonder why people think its cool to take pictures of themselves while kissing a bottle of alcohol? Yes, we know you drink and are krazy kewl. Point taken. It's as if people won't take pictures anymore unless they're holding a beer can, a red SOLO cup or a bottle of vodka. Uncool in my book. Try posting a picture of yourself shooting heroin and maybe you’ll impress a couple of us.

-xXlikeursnsucks4evaXx. How much do you hate it when someone's away message is "new screenname: xXbabygrrrlxX" It's like, dudette, you're really going to make me go through the work of clicking my mouse 4 times just to add a screenname which looks just like your old one? Honestly, I'd rather spend 30 seconds bitching about it right here than 5 seconds adding your new stupid screename.

-Webdings hides the true atrocity. What’s the deal with people searching through the webdings font, only to find a cool symbol, put it in their profile and attach a phrase like "Put this in your profile if you like to bust out into a spontaneous dance party" or "Put this in your profile if you know someone who should get hit by a bus." First of all, getting hit by a bus is no joke and just because there is a symbol of one on webdings doesn’t mean you have to know someone who needs to get hit by it. Jerk. (But for the record however, I do like slapping big booties.)

-Can you even tell the difference, amigo? So I live and go to school in Spain and as I’m sitting at my desk I hear the neighbors yelling in Spanish. I think to myself "Oh, I didn’t know the neighbors were Mexican." Did I seriously forget I was in Spain? That was so idiotically dumb that I annoyed myself. Now I do know someone who should get hit by a bus.

-Yes, is this Jesse Spano? Um, your away message is boring as hell, just like your character. There’s nothing more depressing than signing online to see that every single person is on away message. Oh wait, yes there is. It’s signing on only to see that everyone’s away messages are the most boring and unoriginal trinkets of literature every written. "At class. Brb. Cell’s good." You’re cell’s good? I’m glad to hear it’s doing so well since the last time I saw it you still hadn’t upgraded it from the Zack Morris model. Piece of advice fellow AIM users: put up a witty away message or sign your boring self off.

-Right before the undertoe took my trunks. Oops. I’m a language freak and throughout my years as a nerdy freak I have studied Spanish, French, Polish, Basque and Ebonics. I’m pretty sure I’ve annoyed people with my freakish choice of studies, I mean, yeah, Spanish comes in handy and maybe even Ebonics, but Polish? I suppose I began to doubt the utility of such a language until one fateful night in December. I was drunk. The stripper was blonde. Poles are blonde. I ask her, hey are you Polish? And by fucking God she was. You know what this means right? Free lapdance. That was fun. Until I fell in love and told her that I could help her escape from this wretched lifestyle. So to all you haters out there, my language skills don’t just come in handy while gallivanting around Europe but also right down the street at Stage Door Johnny’s strip club where being a nerd really gets off, I mean pays off.

-Thank God our parents paid that night. Restaurant bills and large groups of people. Let’s all just say it in unison now, "I only have a 20." Fucking great. Figures. And half of the people have the nerve to say that as if it’s someone else’s problem. It’s almost as if they’re saying "Well I only have a 20, so let me put it back in my wallet and you guys can pay for me." Oh no you didn’t, girlfriend. Seriously though, my girlfriend, don’t put your money away because in this relationship we go halfsies...you pigeon. Point is, going out to eat with friends can be such a great, relaxing, delicious time until the bill comes. The only solution is to bring your one mathematically-inclined nerd friend, Ryan, to dinner and shove him the bill and all your 20s saying, "You like math, you get the change and figure it out." I mean moments like these were made for math majors, while strippers were made for us language majors.

Guilty conscience...

-Leaving a store and having to pass by a security guard. Man, the pressure to put on a face that doesn't look incriminating. And the thing is, I didn't even steal anything. But I still feel like I did. Avoid eye contact, relax and head through the door and pray he (or she...yeah right!) doesn't ask to search your bag. It's the same thing in an airport. Even though there's not one incriminating sharp object in my bag I still feel all nervous. "Is he gonna ask me to get undressed?" Nerve-racking? Yes. Erotic? Even more. Oh and it was just great when I was in the Madrid airport and the guy finds my huge Basque flag in my bag. I might as well painted TERRORISTA on my forehead. All of this mess, is annoying.

-Oh wow that's a bad picture of me. People that put up pictures of themselves online and title the picture "such a bad picture of me." Seriously, moron, then why are you putting it up? I hope to god you don't expect people to comment and be like "oh no, Renee, it's a really good picture of you, seriously." Number one, you were right in the first place, it seriously is a bad picture of you. And number two, the fact that you admit it and still post it is really mindboggling. You and your self proclamied hideous picture annoy me.